By Toni Bowers | October 9, 2012, 4:23 AM PDT

Last week I wrote a blog about how a tech can earn more money without becoming a manager. If, however, you still want to pursue the management track, please know that leadership is a skill in its own right. You may be a great tech, but that doesn’t mean you’ll be a great manager.

In that vein, here are some behaviors that I see most often in poor leaders:

#1 You don’t seek feedback, or if you do, it’s for the wrong reason.

I think everyone has had the experience of being asked for feedback, sometimes even in a formal program, and then have all that feedback subsequently ignored. Some managers like to say they welcome feedback just so they can look like the kind of person who, well, welcomes feedback. But, in reality, they have no intention of ever using it.

Don’t do that. Don’t ask for feedback unless you’re prepared to actually implement some of it. It’s a different story if all the feedback you receive sucks out loud and you can’t use it, but at least go in with the best intentions. There’s nothing worse for employee morale than to make them feel like they’re being condescended to.

#2 You never exhibit vulnerability.
You may be that person who knows everything about everything. If so, you should make plans to donate yourself to science, because that’s one heck of a claim.

Maybe you’re not perfect, but maybe you think you need to project that image to gain and retain the respect of your direct reports. Well, that’s just dumb, and here’s why: Your staff knows that you’re not supernatural, which is what you’d have to be to have all the answers all the time. By pretending like you do, you are only portraying yourself as someone who thinks he/she knows everything — in other words, a phony and/or an obnoxiously insecure person.

Also, acting like you know it all is bound to make your staff feel insecure. If you can’t admit to not knowing something, then they know that there will be quite a few times when you’re basically taking them down blind avenues.

Just remember: You hired your staff members for their expertise. Take advantage of that.

#3 You’re unavailable.
I had a boss once who boasted about his open door policy at every opportunity. The only problem was, the door might have been open but he was never in his office. That’s like saying someone can have the keys to your car any time but then hiding the car.

It is true that with a management role, there is a lot of liaising to do with upper management. You should never let that take over your availability for your team. I’m fairly sure upper management doesn’t need every second of your time.

If you’re chronically unavailable then it will be translated by your team that you just don’t care. And why should they care if you don’t?

Some managers get so involved in the day-to-day that they don’t even realize they’re committing one or more of these leadership sins. Make sure you’re not one of them.

Source: http://m.techrepublic.com/blog/career/the-three-most-damaging-management-behaviors-that-you-probably-dont-know-youre-doing/4640


Prambanan temple

When I was a little child, my father told me about a magnificent Hindu temple in Central Java called Candi Prambanan. There was some moment when we watched it in the television and I was so excited because the temple so wonderful. All those beautiful thing in other provinces encouraged me to explore Indonesia. Fortunately my parent always support me. Thank you.

Prambanan temple located in Jogjakarta ~ around 40 km from Borobudur temple in Magelang (Buddhis temple). This close distance actually just because both temples are connected. To me, both temples remind me of very memorable personal experiences.

At this lunch time, I searched in Google “Prambanan temple” and I looked into the images ~ all those beautiful pictures. I suddenly feel so grateful and I wanna share my biggest gratitude to everyone who discover the temple and rebuild it and manage it very well; so I can see it and visit it again and pray in it. It is all looks so real… just the way it used to be. The temple’s beauty still in there and it will always be there; including all the memories.

Today is a holy day for the temple: Wrehespati Wage Wuku Taulu. May God always bless us all 🙂





my october

Today, 26th of October 2018, I wanna share about life and many things inside it.

While I’m writing this article, I realized that my hand-phone battery only 16% left, then it is 12.24 am. Gloomy light of my computer was accompanying my lunch; it all looked nice and cozy; I just feel nice and relax.

In fact, this October is one of “challenging month” in my life; start from personal matters, professional, and also things related to relationship (love life). Then when I sat down, I closed my eyes, breathe and relax; I feel everything is OK and I saw every thing flows as it should be. Even though there also some points where I felt lost in my mind and got confuse ~ well known as monkey mind phenomenon. And when I re-focusing my mind to my breath then all back on track again. These all are part of my experiences while practicing my “3-months vipassana meditation”.

Another interesting part of this October is an experience when I visited temple with bli mangku danu; especially while meeting the society. So many questions and answers and smiles and happiness and reliefs and acceptance. I only could share my gratitude to the universe for all of those. After 8 years of waiting, then it happened; it is really happened.

Another new experience on this October is I develop new program special for myself ~ in purpose to “put more focus on myself”. The program is “cook for myself and having breakfast and dinner at home ~~ all is home made by me”. Frankly, I just feel good with this and will continue this program for the next couple months or years. I remember someone – Mr. Anan, who was telling me to cook for breakfast and dinner because he thought street food or restaurant product are not good for my health. Thank you mister…. I do really appreciate it and I know you’re right.

There also something beneficial on this month, I was having dinner twice in Marche, in purpose of having fresh meals and “beer promo” 😀 The promo so alluring: buy 2 bottles and got 1 bottle for free + 1 bugle free + 1 ticket free for a “Marche game”. This is nice…. thank you so much wie danu for the dinner ♥ 🙂

This month is lovely month, I will remember it very well. Thank you wie danu for all. Next, I’m gonna make our next month and the next and the next become more interesting ~~ full of happiness and joy ~~ full of blesses ~~ and always full of gratitude.



One day a young lady from Mandiri University sent me an invitation which entitled “Training Global Executive Mindset”, and she put special note in the email “limited only for first 25 registrant”. Wow… this course might be something, then I click reply button and wrote “I’ll join the course and the registration form still waiting for my bos’ sign”, click send. She replied immediately “ok”.

The day was arrived and I entered the class, like usual I came early. After 30 minutes of waiting, a nice guy appeared- he is Stephen Krempl. He is a half Melayu ~ his mother is Dayak and he grew up at Serawak, Malaysia.

Ok then… let’s get through to what is GEM. In fact it is pretty simple: how to optimizing our 5% zone. Please put bold note: simple is NOT EASY.

Before we talk about 5% zone, first thing first is we need to ask ourself “do I really want to be someone better?” “Do I wanna move from good to great?” If the answer is YES, then read my article will worth your time 🙂

Stephen told us if so much Asian are very smart and actually very capable as a global executive; and if they could improve their communication skill and could optimize their 5% zone then it could be true. Most of the time people get used to their 95% zone, hiding under culture or gender theme (read: daily habit), and when they got chances to express their “self/view/knowledge/ideas” they didn’t know how to… then those chances taken by other people. So that’s why we need to mastering the capability of “switching from our 95% zone to 5% zone when it is required based on the rules of the game“. 

To make this clearer, let me give an example: one day your bos share an issue about a situation and he needs new ideas to solve it OR he needs help voluntarily to make those things done. In this case, that is our 5% zone because there is a chance to share our ideas/thoughts to help him to solve company’s issues; which might it could build good perception about us (we call it green Xs) 🍃. Based on Stephen’s experiences, if there are 5 chances, at least make 3 green Xs; so our bos OR our bosses bos still could remember our great capabilities. And he also said: to make green Xs, it could be just a small thing of differentiation, which will make our ideas different from others and make it more meaningful. He added: and please remember “SMALL IS BIG“.

There are a clue to express our ideas, we called it 3P (Phrase, Physical, Picture):

  1. Phrase: something that can boost our spirit so we have courage to speak up, something that we can remember in 3 seconds, something like slogan; for example: just do it, ok, be the best, it is good
  2. Physical: a small act or movement that could make us relax and brave; for example: holding our hand, or fix our glasses, or clear our throat, or fix our collars, etc…
  3. Picture: picturing/imagining something that make us confident of our ideas; some people picturing sea so they could relax, but myself usually picturing the great moment when people happy and feeling good with my ideas cause it helps them.

Actually, there is one most important thing: PREPARATION. We cannot do great thing without preparation. So that’s why we need to practice. 

In the course, Stephen was telling us some ways to practice, such as:

  • How to start conversation, 
  • How to build proper impactful question,
  • How to answer question based on rules of the game, 
  • How to shift situation from negative to NEUTRAL even POSITIVE. 

O ya I almost forgot, Stephen shared if there are 7 behaviour facets those really important as global executive. And to me, there are 2 facet as fundamental: our ability to connect personal and take ownership. 

All things he delivered are his real life experiences. I feel it all are really relevant with my life; as a career woman, as a social person, as a child, as a friend, as a partner. 

Overall, this course really a refreshment for me and bring some insights to live this life in a better way. Thank you Stephen. 🙏😊


Vipassana Meditation ~ on me.

Today I  got flu and I cannot focus on specific serious matters; then I need to manage my breath so I could still focus on my job and it could be done as expected, at least. Vipassana meditation helps me.

When I was a child, I also got “focus” issue, till my family asked me to sit down and took a breath and inhale-exhale inhale-exhale until I calmed and focused on my study. At the moment I didn’t know if it called meditation; in fact it becomes my daily routine till now.

Talked about Vipassana meditation, frankly I just knew this kind of meditation 2 months ago. At the time I was in a situation when I couldn’t see things clearly and I felt so uncomfortable and I think I need some helps. Then I called Bli Mangku and asked his advice. He taught me Vipassana Meditation.

He told me that I do need see thing clearly and gain my vision back. He was also telling me if this kind meditation is a best way because it is related to our breath and breath records all of our life memories; then consciously our mind will manage which memories need to stay in our mind, and which one is needn’t. Vipassana Meditation needs persistency and commitment and focus and willingness to share/ to release.

Along the moment, Bli Mangku accompanying and guide me; so I could share whatever I felt/saw. After two months of practices, I feel some experiences those I’ve never felt before; but in fact I could gain my focus back. Along this moment, I’ve experienced some-thing like “emotional swing” or “too sensitive feeling” or “too worrying”. Even those experiences existed, one thing I really feel is “actually I’m getting more stable in term of managing myself when addressing situation’s fluctuation”; perhaps because I’m getting more sensitive so I could recognize thing clearer and finally I could understand it better.

Today, when I suffered from my flu, I found this article about Vipassana Meditation written by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana. Here is the link https://tricycle.org/magazine/vipassana-meditation/

The article is very interesting and clear. Some statements those improve my understanding are:

  • The whole meaning of the word is looking into something with clarity and precision, seeing each component as distinct, and piercing all the way through so as to perceive the most fundamental reality of that thing. This process leads to insight into the basic reality of whatever is being inspected
  • We use breath as our focus. It serves as that vital reference point from which the mind wanders and is drawn back. Distraction cannot be seen as distraction unless there is some central focus to be distracted from. That is the frame of reference against which we can view the incessant changes and interruptions that go on all the time as a part of normal thinking
  • In this analogy the wild elephant is your wildly active mind, the rope is mindfulness, and the post is our object of meditation, our breathing. The tamed elephant who emerges from this process is a well-trained, concentrated mind that can then be used for the exceedingly tough job of piercing the layers of illusion that obscure reality. Meditation tames the mind
  • Breath is a phenomenon common to all living things. A true experiential understanding of the process moves you closer to other living beings. It shows you your inherent connectedness with all of life. Finally, breathing is a present-time process.
  • Essentially, Vipassana meditation is a process of retraining the mind. The state you are aiming for is one in which you are totally aware of everything that is happening in your own perceptual universe, exactly the way it happens, exactly when it is happening; total, unbroken awareness in present time.

I think that’s all for now, hopefully everyone could practice Vipassana Meditation 🙂

Wie, thank you so much for all of these. ♥geg♥


my September :)

Once, wise man said: keep dreaming, dream high… when the time is come, it will happen perfectly.!. Since then I always developing my “dream”, start from the most reasonable one till the “unbelievable” one.

One of my dream is living normal life, just like the others; someone drive/ride you to the office, then pick you up after the office, having simple dinner together, laugh together, cooking together, being silly to each other, just be together in a cozy situation.  And IT HAPPENED to me at this month… yeayy!!!! it is always will be my greatest gift. I only can say: THANK YOU SO MUCH wie…. 🙂

This September, life seems really nice to me. I do really grateful for all of these. There was so much things happened previously, which drained my energy and my thought cause my dreams got broken. Then, in this September some of things getting better and more positive and I have chances to “renovate” my old dreams; and I wish all these good moments stay with us for the next month, and the next, and the next and the next till our last breath.

Talking about dream, to me: dreams are not always about “big/difficult/momento” things. Usually I’m developing simple dreams… cause I just want those simple things happen in my life. Even though sometimes I generated big dreams, and also put so much effort to made it true.

For the holy soul, wie…, again: thank you so much for being part of my life.


Pada tgl 17 Agustus 1945, Bung Karno dan jajarannya bangun pagi-pagi (bahkan mungkin tidak sempat tidur) guna mempersiapkan deklarasi kemerdekaan Indonesia, dan Beliau berhasil.

Today, this morning…. life changes already dan aku bangun pagi-pagi langsung ambil handphone dan lihat berita dan review my life in this country. See…. so much changes already. The point is: life changed!!

Sebetulnya apa sih yg kita rayakan di tgl 17 Agustus ini? Apakah hanya sbg momen pengingat masa lalu? Atau apa?

Bagi ku, setiap tgl 17 Agustus adalah:

  1. Momen pengingat masa lalu
  2. Momen utk berterimakasih pada Tuhan karena aku diberi kesempatan lahir di negara ini
  3. Momen utk berterimakasih pada orang tua dan leluhur karena sudah stay d negeri ini dan berusaha membuat negeri ini a better place to live
  4. Momen utk berterimakasih kepada para Pahlawan shg kita bisa membangun negeri sendiri dengan ideologi lokal yang bernilai tinggi sesuai ajaran para leluhur ribuan tahun silam
  5. Momen utk berpikir dan bertanya pada diri sendiri: then what can I do to make this country become a better place for my children in the future?

Setiap tahun lima hal itu yg aku wajib lakukan; baik saat berbaris upacara bendera di lapangan nan panas, maupun saat leyeh leyeh di tempat tidur.

Next, let see what is next…. skrg waktunya tiba utk renung renung, so tulis menulisnya disudahi dulu, dan akan dilanjut next time dg inspirasi lainnya.

My gratitude for this country, Indonesia merdeka!!!


13 juli – 13 agustus

Judul diatas merupakan rentang sebuah perjalanan hidup yg penuh pemikiran, penuh perenungan, penuh pelepasan, penuh kepasrahan, penuh aliran nafas, penuh jalan kaki tuk urai kusutnya pikiran, penuh kasih, penuh harap, penuh penantian…. itulah 1 bulan bersejarah kami.

13 juli, ku pandang sosok di hadapan ku. Terurai air mata, sedih… sedih sekali. Bergerak tanganmu tuk rangkul badanku yg menipis. Seru sayang mu membuat kaki ku tergetar…hampir terjatuh. Rangkulmu membuatku terus bertahan dan bertahan.

13 agustus, ku tersenyum dan ku sapa sosok di hadapanku. Ku canggung. Ku belai wajahmu, ku genggam jemarimu… ku rasa semua kenangan kembali menerpaku. Ku ucap “terimakasih wie”.

Wie…. terimakasih. ♡geg♡